Not the Same Boy

by Jacob Lundy

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03:55
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02:06
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02:15
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03:27
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03:20
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03:22
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01:30

about

I've written a ton of songs while living in Arizona for a year. These are 14 of them!

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released June 23, 2017

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Jacob Lundy St. Louis, Missouri

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Track Name: Carbon Copied
You know from the start I could tell

Other people saw it as well

After your words I should have felt lifted

But your I love you was scripted

Don’t butter me up nice and slow when

It’s no secret that I have been


Carbon copied

Tacked to the end for respect

But you should drop me

I’m wrong for this narrative

Instead of half-heartedly

Including

Just do us all a favor and


Now I don’t know how to respond

Act like it didn’t happen and move on

Not much I can do

I can’t fix you

It’s clear that you’re saying something deeper

But that’s not my business either
Track Name: Picture Boy
Will you edit the photos you took of me
Now that you may never see me again
If I lived near you
There'd be a whole album of them



You finished two and
Sent them to me through text
now I'm gone
what happens with the rest?

Goodbye was a part of hello
It was sold as a package deal
Even though by the first few texts
I could tell how I would feel
That's why people pick the gross ones
So they don't get attached
And they don't end up writing songs
About what they could have had

How am I supposed to let you go
When if we lived in the same place
We very well know
That I'd

call you up again
Cross my fingers you'd be faster than
(Me)

Text you all the time
Think of you whenever mine
(Is buzzing)

Unfortunately, that's not the case
This isn't the way I wish it was
Do me a favor and find a boy
Who can last as long as his picture does

I'm glad
My camera stayed in the house
It eradicates one piece of
Sorting my shit out
I've already got two hundred
Pictures to go through
it would do no good to spend my
Time staring at you

California did me wrong
Did me wrong, yeah
She could have given me
A mean, gross, dumb one
California did me wrong
Did me wrong yeah
Arizona's sitting here
Coming undone

But hey, if you are listening
And you know who you are
Do me a favor and give another boy
Rides in your car
Treat him how you treated me
he won't go away
Have the boy as long as photos stay
Track Name: Social Process
Please buy some social process
Add me to preserve freshness
No vulnerability. No context
Perfect conversation

Don't you want it a bit vaguer softer

It'll go down quicker faster

Don't you want it a bit slicker harder

Keep them from knowing about ya

Keep the talk small can't handle bigger

Don't you want my answer to be prepackaged

Safe and simple socially processed

No nutrition but it tastes best

Why not just stick to

what you've practiced?!?


Xanthan gum added for smoothness
I'll laugh although I didn't get it
Then nod and smile, a preservative
Need to keep the convo up
Doesn't matter if it's bullshit fluff
Isn't anybody getting tired of this
I'm sitting here sick to my stomach
It's as if I'm the only one allergic
And everybody else keeps tearing through plastic


Everybody everybody everybody
Listen to me listen to me listen to me
Don't know bout you but I wanna live past 30
Maybe we should try to fix this early
Track Name: Un-Rsvp
Don't like to accept everything that comes my way
Because I don't enjoy to go back on the things that I say
I will be the most disappointing part of your day
Sincerely, Jacob Lundy

I'm not sorry
Won't be at your party
I know I said I'm coming
Gonna unRSVP to your party

I'm not sorry
Won't be at your party
You'll forgive me someday
For now time to scribble out Jacob Lundy

Post chorus
gotta scribble me out
I'll disappear, but my name can't do itself
If you were cooler, maybe
Gonna unRSVP to your party

I think I'd come if you set out the right board games
Had kids for me to babysit or people about to die of old age
Maybe if I had a car or lived less than a mile away
Sincerely, Jacob Lundy
Track Name: Boy I'm Not the Same Boy
All the padlocked gates
you opened them
Won't be too scared to call you again
I'm a 7 and you're a 10
On that front cuz
I can be timid
building blocks, you handed me them
To make a door and let people in
It likes to stay shut
But you have knocked and now it's open

I will be the one to start something first
I will say what I think though I may still rehearse
And then I'll set something up I think we'll both enjoy
And if you say no I won't be destroyed
Boy, I'm not the same boy

I'm not the same
I'm Not the same boy,
Boy don't tell me I'm the same
I'm not the same boy

light nudges
You're never shovin'
Not the type to encroach
With your lovin'
Politely you gave me permission
To initiate the touchin'
You may not know it but you changed me
I was terrified of intimacy
You saw the fear but oh so gently
Took my hand, said boy come with me

I will be the one to start something first
I will say what I think though I may still rehearse
And then I'll set something up I think we'll both enjoy
And if you say no I won't be destroyed
Boy, I'm not the same boy

I'm not the same
I'm Not the same boy,
Boy don't tell me I'm the same
I'm not the same boy
Track Name: All That I Have Is You
When I look at you
It feels like I”m meant to
When I look at you
My thoughts your image cuts right through
And I can’t think of
Anything I’ve loved
Your ghost comes and
pollutes
And I keep wondering
If I had been happy
Or ignorant and confused
What did I have without you

I had nights that were heavy
Told myself that’s just what
Living will do
I had a lot of good thoughts
Now they’ve multiplied by two
With everything else blurred from view
Feels like all that I have is you

When I think of me
You’re not there beside
I am floating, personality beaming
With nothing to hide
How come
I’m content until the second
You creep into my sight
And then I can’t see
If it’s not infant of me
Like I’m got no redeeming qualities inside
What did I have without you

A move is no small deal
It is the time to heal
From the rope wounds when I was tied
My skin’s never felt more alive
But I act like I was
Nothing before and that
Isn’t true
Track Name: Zoloft
sleeping a shit ton
12 hours or more
Don't wanna see nobody
I lock the damn door
Getting sertraline today
That's Zoloft, motherfucker
then I won't feel sick
From seeing these motherfuckers

Using dirty underwear
To wipe off my face grease
Could use toilet paper
Fuck that, save trees
Wearing broken glasses
ran out of saline
Prolly need new contacts too
But fuck that, save cheese

All this to say
I'm ready for some medication
I'll stick to 50 millis, doc
That's not what I'm sayin
Don't think I'm gonna sell it
I'm selfish
No suicidal thoughts here
If we can help it


Get home and cut the blue pill in half
In fifth grade my friend's happy meds gave him gas
Not certain that was listed as a side effect
But I should prolly get the bag outta the trash so I can check

On a side note why was this such a pro
Cess
No one has that energy when they're de
Pressed
It would've taken a month to get a prescription
If I didn't have a doctor connection

I mean duh I have one her name is Shannie
Today is Zoloft, tomorrow Xannie
Monday Valium, Tuesday klonopin
Just kidding that's the joke I got a real prescription


It's easy to act like there's nothing wrong
But
This has be going on for too long
So
Fingers crossed
That I'll have luck with
Zoloft Zoloft
Track Name: What Does That Make Us
We've had this talk
Close to a hundred times
It never gets easier
Nor do an answer we find
Until a crush on someone else
Makes us uncomfortable
And these thoughts are never leaving
There's something they're trying to tell me

Nobody seems to understand
The limbo between boy and friend
I know you aren't a crush
So what does that make us
Don't want to think too far too soon
But I'm sick of being confused
You'd think three years is long enough
To know. What does that make us

I'm finding I'm scared to
Have this next talk with you
Because this time I'm not okay with
How our last conversation ended
I know I mean lots to you
And I always say the same thing too
So maybe it's time to suck it up
And say everyone was right about us

We both have been sitting
In a limbo in between
Best friend and dating
And now I'm done with waiting
Used to talk about too much too soon
But if we think we have a normal friendship we're confused
Three years is long enough
To know. What does that make us

I've talked with friends
And I've got this hunch
That you bang and hate
Other guys because
With me you're fulfilled
You've said it yourself
And it's my guess
That nothing will change
Even if our relationship
changes names
The commitment is there
Looks like we're just scared

No longer going to stand
In the limbo between boy and friend
I know you aren't a crush
So what does that make us
Don't want to think too far too soon
But I'm sick of being confused
Three years is long enough to know
What does that make us
Track Name: Too Excited
Stomach drops to my feet
Your voice a muffled hummin
How do you recover
From hearing something you've always wanted

Convinced that I'm crazy
And I pressured you by accident
Conversation on pause
Til I fix my breathing
It sounds like you'll be with me
But the voice in my head says

Nothing's for certain
Don't get too excited
Putting all your stock in one idea
Cuz you like it
I've got no proof that "no" is more intelligent
"Yes" is all I can imagine
So why would I hide it

When I just can't

I feel my gut hold on
Like I've got nothing but this
Scared if I'm not careful
Tunnel vision will close in

I know I'm not stupid
Cuz it's multi-faceted:
I move with you, we do what we do
Separately
Regardless, you'll be with me
But the voice in my head says



So stoked by the information accrued
And I just wanna be with you
Track Name: Not Sorry
Do I expect myself
To tell people just what they want?
I’m getting tired
I’m not letting myself
Be cruel; I’m staying calm
But it’s not required
to smooth the wrinkles I sit between
When neither one I choose would
benefit me
Been putting myself in their shoes
While they’re not complaining
I confuse outside problems
with my own spiraling

Because it’s me,
I keep on forgetting
if i were them
i would be forgetting
time to say
I’m not sorry
Do they want something from me?
I’m not sorry
Probably not.

It isn’t healthy for myself to pine over
issues that aren’t there
They could happen, yes, but it’s not my job to be
A fortuneteller
and her I am again in the same
position by my own doing
Showing no evidence that I feel
something wrong
I’m creating the problem
With my own spiraling
Track Name: No Preaching
Need some pants
Flea market
That guy sells
Five dollar jeans
It comes with
A pamphlet
It's titled
Aggressive Christianity ahhhj

Maybe last time you got distracted, missed your chance and
Maybe I look like someone who could
Use your saving
(Needs Jesus and pants)
Won't say no every time but
I'll come by a little less often
At least then I'll do less eye rolling

It's pretty cool your jeans were five dollars
That doesn't mean I want you as my father
There's a season
For your preaching
But I'm the arctic circle
Threw your seeds in desolate land

No preaching
Stop it
I'm futile
Stop it stop it

V2
Need to vent
You look nice
We seem to
Have matching distaste
We're talking
Then it's your sermon
And the room becomes your stage ugaaahh

Maybe this time I ran fresh out of
Ears to lend and
Maybe I look like someone who could
Use your saving
Won't say no every time but
I'll bring it up a little less often
At least then I'll do less eye rolling
Track Name: Not Surprised
Backseat
I was sitting postage stamp
You were right behind me
Gas stop
I moved to your left
I didn't see it coming
Never quite expect it
Because it's so sporadic
When you say it's tangible you and me
then make me extract the meaning

You say that shit for the hell of it
No not every day but a lot of the time
Can't say I was ready
But I'm not surprised
Every time it happens
Your bullshit suddenly becomes mine
Can't say I was ready
But I'm not sur
Pri hiii hised
No I'm not sur
Pri hiii hised
Want to be so
prized
So I'm not sur
Pri hiii hised

You say it's tangible
Tangible you and me
I say is a relationship
What you mean
Playing hot and cold
With a mind ill-equipped
Bringing little to the convo
But a deep-frowned lip
I expect you'll get me
Which can result in crashing and burning
But you start to explain something deep
See I’m frustrated and you freeze

You say that shit then you muzzle it
Telling myself that it's how you try
Can't say I was ready
But I'm not surprised
Give me half of your two cents
The responsibility becomes mine
Can't say I was ready
But I'm not sur
Pri hiii hised
No I'm not sur
Pri hiii hised
Want to be so
prized
So I'm not sur
Pri hiii hised

dangle me back and forth out your window
reel me in, make me feel comfortable
will you do this to me till the day i die
then again i wouldn’t be sur


Pri hiii hised
No I'm not sur
Pri hiii hised
Want to be so
prized
So I'm not sur
Pri hiii hised

You do that shit without meaning it
Make me feel safe, so it’s worth the fight
Can't say I was ready
But I'm not surprised
Give me half of an answer
Then somehow everything feels fine
Can't say I was ready
But I'm not sur
Pri hiii hised
No I'm not sur
Pri hiii hised
Want to be so
prized
So I'm not sur
Pri hiii hised
Track Name: Knees
I'm not
Gonna let you wait for me
I'm not
Gonna say it'll work cuz I know you're suffering
I'm not
Just making shit up because I wanna run
In this lifetime
I'm not the one

So I'll touch my knee and think of you
Wishing just for a moment that it could be true
But if I don't leave now I'd be wasting your
time
Know someone adores you
But you can't be mine

Know someone adores you
But you can't be mine
Know that I adore you
But you can't be mine
Maybe it'll work
In another lifetime
Know that I adore you
But you can't be mine

My knees feel like your knees
But you can't be mine
My knees feel like your knees
But I know I'll be fine
Cuz I know because I know cuz I know oh oh oh oh oh oh
My knees feel like your knees
But you can't be mine